Living Shamelessly in Midlife

When I speak about living shamelessly, I’m not just referring to a catchy phrase—it’s a life choice I’ve embodied from a very young age. As an Indian woman now in my early fifties, navigating perimenopause, I’ve found something beautiful in all the adversity I’ve lived through. And let me tell you, there’s been plenty, that have ALL played a part in this journey I'm now undertaking within the feminine wheel of life.

I was never one to conform. Growing up as the daughter of first-generation Indian immigrant parents, I was constantly reminded about shame. “What will people think?” was the soundtrack of my childhood. Every action, every expression of individuality was met with a cultural undercurrent of disapproval. Shame wasn’t just implied—it was the loudest voice in the room.

At sixteen, we moved from Stoke-on-Trent to Derbyshire, and with that came a whole new layer of it. I was told not to talk too much with customers in our family business, not to be too much, too friendly, too visible. But even back then, I knew deep down that human connection wasn’t something to be ashamed of. It was a gift!!!

By the time I was 24, I did what was seen as the ultimate act of defiance—I married a white man. The SHAME!! That one decision labelled me in the eyes of many. But it also liberated me. Once I’d crossed that line, there was no going back. I’d already broken the mould, so everything after that felt like a free-for-all in the best possible way.

Truth is, I’ve always been a wayshower. A visionary. And that’s why today, I can stand firmly and say that this menopausal transition isn’t the horror show it’s made out to be. Not for all of us.

No hot flushes here. No nightly sweats or volcanic rage. Instead? I’ve had a couple of panic attacks. I cry more easily—over Disney films, over someone else’s heartbreak, over life’s quiet moments. But I don’t see it as a weakness. I see it as a deepening. I’ve done the inner work for over two decades now. Healing from losing cultural connection, from rejection, from forging a path that felt more like exile at times. And I believe all of that work has softened the landing of menopause for me.

I feel more open, more receptive. The death of my father five years ago cracked open my heart. I believe that moment accelerated this phase for me—not in a way that broke me, but in a way that prepped me. I’m not saying this is everyone’s experience, but I am saying we need to stop seeing it as something to fear or manage like a problem. It’s an invitation. A consideration

Let’s stop blaming perimenopause for every emotional wave and start getting curious about what’s actually rising up to be seen. Let’s use this time to connect the dots—to understand ourselves more deeply rather than dilute our experience with clichés and medical labels. We are not burdens. We are becoming!!.

I’m not interested in using menopause as an excuse to avoid growth or dodge responsibility. I want us to see this time as a portal to power, to clarity, to wisdom. Let’s not use it to win arguments or justify shutting down. Let’s use it to rise up. Because there is gold here, waiting to be discovered, if we dare to stop being ashamed of who we are becoming.

And I wish that for every woman reading this: the freedom to live shamelessly. Not because your hormones have given up caring, but because you’ve finally stopped hiding. You’ve uncovered the real you.

So here I am, cheering you on—not shouting it with my chest, but for living it quietly with my heart. For knowing life is fleeting and this moment is sacred. For daring to live, fully and without apology.

Shamelessly.