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Living Shamelessly in Midlife

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 09:07:04 GMT

When I speak about living shamelessly, I’m not just referring to a catchy phrase—it’s a life choice I’ve embodied from a very young age. As an Indian woman now in my early fifties, navigating perimenopause, I’ve found something beautiful in all the adversity I’ve lived through. And let me tell you, there’s been plenty, that have ALL played a part in this journey I'm now undertaking within the feminine wheel of life.

I was never one to conform. Growing up as the daughter of first-generation Indian immigrant parents, I was constantly reminded about shame. “What will people think?” was the soundtrack of my childhood. Every action, every expression of individuality was met with a cultural undercurrent of disapproval. Shame wasn’t just implied—it was the loudest voice in the room.

At sixteen, we moved from Stoke-on-Trent to Derbyshire, and with that came a whole new layer of it. I was told not to talk too much with customers in our family business, not to be too much, too friendly, too visible. But even back then, I knew deep down that human connection wasn’t something to be ashamed of. It was a gift!!!

By the time I was 24, I did what was seen as the ultimate act of defiance—I married a white man. The SHAME!! That one decision labelled me in the eyes of many. But it also liberated me. Once I’d crossed that line, there was no going back. I’d already broken the mould, so everything after that felt like a free-for-all in the best possible way.

Truth is, I’ve always been a wayshower. A visionary. And that’s why today, I can stand firmly and say that this menopausal transition isn’t the horror show it’s made out to be. Not for all of us.

No hot flushes here. No nightly sweats or volcanic rage. Instead? I’ve had a couple of panic attacks. I cry more easily—over Disney films, over someone else’s heartbreak, over life’s quiet moments. But I don’t see it as a weakness. I see it as a deepening. I’ve done the inner work for over two decades now. Healing from losing cultural connection, from rejection, from forging a path that felt more like exile at times. And I believe all of that work has softened the landing of menopause for me.

I feel more open, more receptive. The death of my father five years ago cracked open my heart. I believe that moment accelerated this phase for me—not in a way that broke me, but in a way that prepped me. I’m not saying this is everyone’s experience, but I am saying we need to stop seeing it as something to fear or manage like a problem. It’s an invitation. A consideration

Let’s stop blaming perimenopause for every emotional wave and start getting curious about what’s actually rising up to be seen. Let’s use this time to connect the dots—to understand ourselves more deeply rather than dilute our experience with clichés and medical labels. We are not burdens. We are becoming!!.

I’m not interested in using menopause as an excuse to avoid growth or dodge responsibility. I want us to see this time as a portal to power, to clarity, to wisdom. Let’s not use it to win arguments or justify shutting down. Let’s use it to rise up. Because there is gold here, waiting to be discovered, if we dare to stop being ashamed of who we are becoming.

And I wish that for every woman reading this: the freedom to live shamelessly. Not because your hormones have given up caring, but because you’ve finally stopped hiding. You’ve uncovered the real you.

So here I am, cheering you on—not shouting it with my chest, but for living it quietly with my heart. For knowing life is fleeting and this moment is sacred. For daring to live, fully and without apology.

Shamelessly.

From Unseen to Unstoppable: Why We Show Up for Women in Menopause

Fri, 13 Jun 2025 10:35:58 GMT

Our Journey with Me, Myself & Menopause and How Pause Live Sparked a Movement

When we stepped into Pause Live 2024, we didn’t quite know what to expect. We were just a few months into launching our free support group, Me, Myself & Menopause — two women who had met through life’s messy middle, bonded by our shared yet very different menopause journeys.

Walking into a national event filled with experts, exhibitors, and conversations that felt much bigger than us, we wondered if we were out of our depth. But from the moment we arrived, we were welcomed with open arms — not just by the event hosts but by every single exhibitor, speaker, and attendee we encountered. The room was filled with high energy, positive connection, and genuine community. It was empowering beyond words. We came with one goal: to soak up as much knowledge and inspiration as possible, so we could take it back and pour it into our group. And it delivered in ways we couldn’t have imagined.

The dual stages — education and live — offered a powerful contrast. We moved between scientific talks and raw, lived experience, and it was that blend that made everything land so deeply. We discovered products, treatments and ideas that we didn’t even know existed — innovations for symptoms like menopause-related hair loss, weight changes, and night sweats. Being able to bring that information back to our community felt like gold dust. We were blown away by so many speakers and exhibitors — from Sharin’s insightful talk to the practical brilliance of Nudie, who created an adhesive remover for HRT patches — the whole event was a revelation. It was high-vibe, energising, and deeply validating. We left feeling stronger, more seen, and more committed than ever to our mission. But to understand why that day mattered so much to us, it’s important to take a few steps back.

Beckie’s Story: Perimenopause in Real Time For me (Beckie)

Perimenopause crept in during my early forties. I was working full-time, raising a young family, and juggling life like so many women do. But under the surface, I was struggling — emotionally, physically, hormonally — and I felt completely unsupported. I didn’t know where to turn. The loneliness was overwhelming.

At home, I was surrounded by boys — a house full of males — and while they’re amazing, they didn’t understand what I was going through. I didn’t feel heard, and there were no local groups or spaces that felt right for me. That’s when I crossed paths with Amy.

Amy’s Story: Thrown Into Surgical Menopause

At the same time Beckie was navigating her invisible battle, I (Amy) was going through the most significant health challenge of my life. At 35, I was diagnosed with stage 5 endometriosis. My only option was a full hysterectomy — one that catapulted me into surgical menopause overnight. The shift was instant. It felt like someone had flicked a switch. One day, I felt like myself. The next, I was unrecognisable — physically, emotionally, mentally.

Despite my 17 years working in private mental health as a clinical director, nothing prepared me for the rawness of surgical menopause. The emotional and psychological impact was like nothing I had ever faced before. And the saddest part? The support wasn’t there. I remember the loneliness. The cost of seeking help. At a time when I was emotionally at my lowest, I was expected to pay £200 here, £300 there, for any kind of professional support. I couldn’t always afford it. And I later learned that even access to menopause support was a postcode lottery — a heartbreaking truth that still fires us up today.

The Birth of Me, Myself & Menopause Some conversations are destined. And our paths crossing when they did felt like fate. What started as two women supporting each other soon turned into something much bigger — a shared vision to create the very thing we couldn’t find: a safe, free, supportive space for women navigating every stage of menopause.

We built Me, Myself & Menopause from the heart — a space fuelled by compassion, honesty, and care. A community that would never turn anyone away. A group where women could come as they are — in the thick of it, on the edge of burnout, overwhelmed, or simply curious — and feel held. And the response has been incredible. We now run monthly free support groups, we’ve been funded by the National Lottery Community Fund, and our reach is growing every month. Women from all walks of life are finding us. And we are so proud to say we are now both certified menopause coaches, able to offer deeper one-to-one and group support.

Why Pause Live Matters So Much to Us?

Pause Live didn’t just educate us. It lifted us. It validated us. It reminded us that what we were doing mattered. We’re so excited to return to the 2025 event this October — but this time, not just as attendees. We’re bringing 16 incredible women with us, as part of a VIP experience. Women who may never have been to an event like this. Women who, like us, just want to feel seen, connected, and supported. That day will be a full-circle moment for us. A celebration of how far we’ve come — and how far we still want to go.

To You — The Reader Who Might Be Struggling Right Now

If you’re reading this and menopause feels heavy right now — maybe you're in the thick of it, maybe you're just beginning, or maybe you’re years past but still don’t feel like yourself — please know: we see you. There is light ahead. We’ve both had moments of thinking there wasn’t. We still have days where the hormones dip, where the HRT doesn’t quite hit right, where we feel off and emotional — and that’s okay.

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are allowed to not have it all together. You are not alone in this. Reach out. Join a community. Speak your truth. You don’t have to do this in silence anymore.

With love, light, and high-vibe energy,

Amy & Beckie

Me, Myself & Menopause

Menopause & Sleep: Why It’s So Disruptive — And What You Can Do About It

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 13:58:25 GMT

If you’re going through menopause and struggling to sleep, you’re definitely not alone. One moment you’re drifting off, the next you’re wide awake — maybe drenched in sweat or overwhelmed with thoughts. It’s more than just frustrating; it’s exhausting. And the impact goes beyond tiredness — poor sleep during menopause can seriously affect your mood, focus, and even your long-term health.

So what’s causing this frustrating change, and more importantly, how can you get your sleep back on track?

Why Sleep Suffers During Menopause

Menopausal sleep issues are rarely down to a single cause. In fact, there are often several things going on at once:

Hot flushes and night sweats (vasomotor symptoms) can jolt you awake and leave you struggling to get back to sleep.
Hormonal changes — particularly falling levels of oestrogen and progesterone — interfere with both sleep quality and emotional balance.
Age-related changes naturally make sleep lighter and more fragmented.
Chronic insomnia can develop when disrupted sleep becomes a habit.
Other sleep disorders , like sleep apnoea or restless legs syndrome, may appear or worsen at this time.
Lifestyle factors such as stress, diet, caffeine and alcohol use can also impact sleep quality.

If sleep is becoming a nightly battle, it's worth speaking to your GP or menopause specialist. A full evaluation of your symptoms, sleep habits, and general health is a good place to start.

Dr Zoe’s Top Tips for Sleeping Better During Menopause

1. Tackle Menopause Symptoms First
Treating the root causes of menopause-related sleep issues can make a big difference.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) often helps reduce night sweats and improve sleep. If you still have a uterus, oral micronised progesterone (alongside oestrogen) is a good option, and may even support sleep.
Non-hormonal medications , such as certain antidepressants, may ease hot flushes and help with sleep (though they might disrupt it at first). Fezolinetant, a new non-hormonal treatment, is also showing promising results.

2. Deal With Night-Time Bathroom Trips
Frequent waking to pee — also known as nocturia — is a common sleep disruptor.

Vaginal oestrogen can help if bladder or vaginal dryness symptoms are contributing.
Adjust evening habits by limiting fluids before bed and cutting back on caffeine and alcohol.

3. Prioritise Good Sleep Hygiene
Sometimes, returning to sleep basics can make a big difference.

Keep a consistent wake time (even on weekends).
Go to bed only when you’re sleepy — not just because it’s “bedtime”.
Make your bedroom sleep-friendly: cool (16–18°C), dark, and quiet.
Reduce stimulants like caffeine and alcohol in the evening.
Stay active during the day but avoid high-intensity workouts late at night.
Power down screens well before bed — blue light and mental stimulation both interfere with quality rest.

Still Struggling? Help Is Available

If you’ve tried everything and still can’t sleep, you’re not out of options. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia (CBTi) is a proven, highly effective approach. In some cases, short-term medication or a referral to a sleep clinic may be appropriate.

Sleep isn’t just a luxury — it’s a vital part of your health, especially during the menopause transition. With the right tools and support, better sleep really is within reach.

About the Author
Dr Zoe Schaedel is an NHS GP with 15 years of experience, specialising in menopause care, sleep problems, sexual health, and contraception. She is a British Menopause Society (BMS) accredited Menopause Specialist and sits on the BMS Medical Advisory Council.

Dr Schaedel is committed to educating and training future menopause specialists. She serves as a BMS trainer and contributes to several national committees, including the NHS England Menopause Improvement Programme.

Sleep has become a specialist interest for Dr Schaedel, and she regularly delivers presentations and masterclasses across a range of healthcare settings.

Why Midlife Women Are Struggling With Emotional Wellbeing – And What We Can Do About It

Fri, 16 May 2025 15:51:54 GMT

We talk to Nutritionist and Alison Bladh about the mental load we carry as females and how this impact our lives and minds.

For too many women over 40, there’s a quiet battle going on behind the scenes. From the outside, you may seem like you’ve got it all under control, juggling work, caring responsibilities, relationships, ageing parents and a million tabs open in your mind. But inside? It can feel like everything’s unravelling. The anxiety. The mood swings . The tears that come out of nowhere. The mental exhaustion.

The truth is, most of us were never told that this phase of life could take such a toll on our emotional health .

As a nutritional and beauty therapist specialising in women’s health, I’ve spent over 30 years supporting women through this often-overlooked chapter of life. I’m deeply passionate about helping women understand what’s really going on in their bodies and their minds because I’ve seen firsthand how transformative the right support can be.

So, during Mental Health Awareness Week , let’s have an honest conversation about what’s really going on with women’s mental and emotional wellbeing in midlife and beyond and more importantly, what you can do to feel like yourself again.

“You’re not too emotional. You’re not overreacting. Your hormones are changing and your mental health matters just as much as your physical health.”

The Unspoken Mental Load of Midlife

Midlife for women can be a perfect storm. Not only are there hormonal changes affecting your brain chemistry, but there’s also the life stuff that piles up:

Teenagers or adult children needing you in new ways
Elderly parents requiring support
Relationship shifts or divorce
Work stress, redundancy, or a lack of purpose
And a deep, internal shift that’s hard to describe, a questioning of who you are and what comes next

The result? Many women feel flat, anxious, overwhelmed and irritable but they often keep it to themselves, thinking they just need to “get on with it.”

What’s Really Going On? (Hint: It’s Not All in Your Head)

Let’s talk hormones. Oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone aren’t just about periods and reproduction they affect your brain, mood, memory, motivation and even how resilient you feel.

Oestrogen plays a role in serotonin and dopamine, your feel-good brain chemicals. When levels drop, it can trigger low mood, irritability and anxiety.
Progesterone, often called the calming hormone, helps you relax and sleep. As it fluctuates, many women feel more wired, restless or weepy.
Cortisol, your main stress hormone, can become dysregulated, especially if you’re constantly running on empty.

But those aren’t the only players in the hormonal mix. During perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause, the body also experiences changes in:

Insulin, the hormone that manages blood sugar. As oestrogen declines, insulin sensitivity can reduce, making blood sugar more volatile which impacts mood, energy and cravings. Big blood sugar swings are closely linked with anxiety, fatigue and brain fog.
Thyroid hormones, which control your metabolism and influence how energised, calm or mentally sharp you feel. Fluctuations in oestrogen can affect how well your thyroid functions and undiagnosed or borderline thyroid issues are common in women over 40.
Testosterone, which supports motivation, confidence and drive. It naturally declines with age and low levels can contribute to flat mood, lack of focus and even loss of libido or zest for life.

When these systems are out of balance, it can feel like your brain and body are working against you.

No wonder so many women over 40 say things like:

“I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”

“I’m fine one minute and overwhelmed the next.”

“I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep.”

This isn’t weakness. It’s biology. But you don’t have to just put up with it.

Can Hormonal Changes Cause Anxiety and Mood Swings in Women Over 40?

Absolutely. Shifts in oestrogen, progesterone, insulin and thyroid hormones can all contribute to emotional and mental health challenges in midlife. Recognising these changes is the first step to getting the right support.

Common Mental Health Symptoms Women Over 40 Experience (But Don’t Always Recognise as Hormonal)

• Feeling constantly overwhelmed or anxious

• Sudden mood swings or unexplained irritability

• Brain fog, forgetfulness or loss of focus

• Low self-esteem and body image struggles

• Rage or anger that feels out of proportion

• Feeling disconnected, numb or joyless

• Trouble sleeping or waking in the early hours

• A sense of being “on edge” all the time

These can creep in slowly, which is why many women don’t link them to hormonal changes. But once you understand the connection, you can start to take action.

What You Can Do to Feel Better — My Evidence-Based, Real-Life Tips

As a women’s health expert and nutritional therapist specialising in perimenopause, menopause and beyond, I’ve supported hundreds of women who felt like they were barely coping. Fatigue, mood swings, anxiety and emotional burnout are common themes but they’re not personal failings.

The reality is, hormonal changes in midlife, combined with modern life stressors, can significantly affect your mental and emotional wellbeing. But there are practical, evidence-based strategies that can make a real difference. Here’s where to start:

1. Balance Your Blood Sugar for Better Mood Stability

Blood sugar imbalances are a hidden cause of anxiety, irritability and emotional crashes in women over 40. As insulin sensitivity declines with hormonal shifts, erratic blood sugar can lead to low mood and fatigue.

➤ Try this: Eat protein, healthy fats and fibre with every meal. Skip the coffee-and-toast breakfast and opt for eggs, Greek yoghurt or chia pudding. Stabilising blood sugar is one of the most effective ways to support emotional balance in perimenopause and menopause.

2. Support Brain Health and Hormones With the Right Nutrients

Your brain needs high-quality nutrition to regulate mood and cope with stress. Nutrient deficiencies especially in B vitamins, magnesium, omega-3s and zinc are common in women 40+ and can worsen anxiety and low mood.

➤ Try this: Include omega-3 rich foods like oily fish, walnuts or flaxseeds. Add leafy greens, seeds and a B-complex supplement to support nervous system health. These nutrients are vital for mental clarity, hormone balance and emotional wellbeing.

3. Prioritise Restorative Sleep to Reduce Anxiety and Overwhelm

Sleep disruption during menopause is common often due to low progesterone, elevated cortisol, or blood sugar instability. Poor sleep impacts your mood, memory and stress resilience.

➤ Try this: Create a calming bedtime routine. Avoid screens an hour before bed, stick to a regular bedtime and consider taking magnesium glycinate in the evening to support relaxation. If sleep issues persist, it may be worth checking for thyroid dysfunction or cortisol imbalance. HRT can also help improve sleep quality for some women.

4. Use Movement to Boost Mental Health and Resilience

Regular physical activity supports hormone balance, reduces cortisol and improves mood by releasing endorphins. But it doesn’t need to be intense or time-consuming.

➤ Try this: Choose gentle exercise that makes you feel good, walking, Pilates, strength training, yoga or dancing. Just 10–15 minutes a day can improve emotional stability and help manage menopause-related anxiety.

5. Create Mental Space and Calm an Overactive Mind

The constant demands and “mental load” many women carry can keep your nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight mode. Slowing down can help regulate stress hormones and reduce overwhelm.

➤ Try this: Start the day with 5 minutes of stillness, journaling, deep breathing or gentle stretching. These simple practices can help create calm and clarity amidst the chaos.

6. Learn to Say No And Mean It

Stress management for women over 40 often starts with boundaries. Agreeing to everything means you ignore your own needs, which can quickly lead to exhaustion.

➤ Try this: Start using phrases like “I’m not available for that right now.” Block time in your week for non-negotiables like rest, movement or silence. Saying no is not selfish, it’s self-preservation.

7. Don’t Go It Alone. Reach Out for Support

Many women suffer in silence, thinking they should “just get on with it.” But emotional health in midlife is not something you have to manage alone.

➤ Try this: Talk to someone you trust, a therapist, health coach, or supportive friend. If you’ve been feeling consistently low, anxious or detached, please speak to your GP. You may benefit from professional help, counselling, or exploring underlying health issues like thyroid imbalance or low oestrogen.

Put Yourself First and Don’t Feel Guilty About It

If there’s one message I want every woman reading this to take away, it’s this: you matter too. We spend so much of our lives putting others first children, partners, parents, colleagues that it becomes second nature to ignore our own needs. But when your tank is empty, you can’t keep giving.

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean abandoning your responsibilities. It means carving out space to rest, recharge and reconnect with what you need. Whether that’s booking a walk alone, saying no to one more thing on your to-do list, or simply making your own wellbeing a priority, it’s not indulgent, it’s essential.

Do one thing for yourself this week that nourishes you because you’re worth the same care you give so freely to others.

A Final Word on emotional wellbeing in Midlife, Menopause and Beyond

You are not alone and you’re not broken. The emotional shifts you’re feeling are real, valid and biologically rooted in this stage of life. But there are things you can do to feel more grounded, balanced and hopeful again.

From nourishing your body with the right foods to setting boundaries and seeking the right support, mental wellbeing in perimenopause and menopause is absolutely achievable. You just need the right tools and permission to put yourself first.